Love and the Perfection of it in Its Imperfection
by generalquistis
Summary: Cloud and Tifa journey together in the Promised Land and realize that love and forgiveness can lead them to something more than what they had bargained for...
1. More Than Friends, Less Than Lovers

Love and the Perfection of It in Its Imperfection

By General Quistis

Author's Note: I was having a migraine when I wrote this, but I just went on… It was first written on a notebook and then I just encoded it in the PC so that I could publish it in Since I started writing this at night while I was ill and also finished this on the same evening, it seems deep… and maybe even philosophical. Yeah, I'm more inspired whenever I'm sick or something. This fic is just a spur-of-the-moment and I'm sorry if you can't understand some of the parts because some of them are simply symbolical for me and the way I portray and see the characters. This is mainly about Cloud and Tifa.

Nevertheless, I hope you like it. Please review if you have the time; and you may also ask questions. I'll be willing to answer them.

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy 7, Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children nor the characters related to those two.

Chapter One: More Than Friends, Less Than Lovers

In the dream, I was alone.

It was a big flower field… almost like the one from the Church in Sector 6 that she had once taken care of when she was still here.

But the flower bed is small compared to the flower field that seemed to expand rather endlessly… and I know this because I tried walking around but everything still looked the same.

I felt so alone…

I remember that just two years ago, he told me that he could meet her in the Promised Land…

Wherever it is…

The flower field was an endless world of green, yellow and white. Such lovely flowers; as lovely as the person that once took care of them in a small flower bed.

Maybe her life could be compared to that flower bed… limited but filled with life… just like her in a city so dead and lifeless…

But that was before.

I was beginning to get tired of walking so I just sat down, and I waited. Maybe I can see her…

But then I thought, is this the _Promised Land_?

Then I could be dead?

Or this is merely just another dream?

And then there he was, standing in an area far away from where I was. He had his back to me and he was looking up at the clear white heavens above us. I was so thrilled to see him again. How I've missed him!

He is my childhood friend… not really. I'll tell you the truth…

I liked him… no! I _loved_ him! …

Or so I thought.

He promised he'd come back and protect me from harm…

But we were so young…

"Cloud!" I called out his name. He turned around to look at me.

I smiled at him as I got up and ran towards him. He did not even smile.

The last time I saw him smile was from when she was still alive… and it hurts me to see him so miserable.

When she died, our relationship completely changed. I don't know if he really felt the same way about me the way I had felt about him; but my heart was breaking whenever I would see him so deep in thought… and whenever he'd look at me, I'd feel so guilty… like I can also be blamed for her death, the way he's blaming himself.

I hated that feeling.

I know, at first, I'm not denying that I disliked her in a way that seemed so unreasonable… all because I thought of her as a rival; someone who just "barged-in" to my love life and messed it all up.

You could just imagine how jealous I was when he picked her over me to go on a date with him at the Gold Saucer! I was like, "God, she has to leave! She's stealing _my_ Cloud away from me!"

…and then she died. And he became alone.

I know I've mourned for her too, but it eventually faded when a darker side of me thought, "She's gone… and he's mine again!"

That dark side is so selfish.

I tried to reel him in again to myself, and I even resorted to telling lies to him just so that his heart could be mine again! But I realized that after she died, the more he drifted away from me. You could just imagine the pain I felt when I realized that he can never be truly mine… on the night under the Highwind.

I realized that we are more than friends but less than lovers.

"Tifa," he called out my name. His blue eyes were looking down at me curiously as I approached him. I was smiling as I looked up at him with adoration and I can't help it.

"You're here!" I told him. It was all I could say to him at that moment.

And he looked away. He turned his head to his right, then looked up at the vast heavens. "Yeah," was all he could say in monotone. My smile faded away, feeling his coldness towards me in his voice.

But I still forced a smile at him—because that's just how I am! I try to smile even if the situation is terrible.

But I can't think of anything else to say… and his question surprised me, "You think this is it?" And he looked at me. I looked around. "I don't know," was my reply. And that's the truth, I don't really know!

He was talking about the Promised Land even if he didn't specify it in his sentence… I know, I can feel it. It's in his eyes.

He turned away with dismay in his eyes… and walked away, but I followed him, "Cloud!" I called out his name again. He just kept on walking. "Let's meet her, Tifa. She's waiting for me." He told me with a solemn tone. His eyes kept on darting from left to right, as if searching for something. I guess I got carried away because I also started doing the same… but I wasn't really sure what he was looking for, so I ended up so confused, not knowing what I was really searching for in the first place.

I felt annoyed… so I asked him, "What are you searching for?"

And he just looked at me with a calm smile on his face. "I'm searching for my light." Was his reply.


	2. Pointing Fingers

Love and the Perfection of It in Its Imperfection

By General Quistis

Chapter Two: Pointing Fingers

Don't get me wrong, I am not such an insensitive person. I know Tifa loved me, but she must understand that not everything that you could ever want in life can be yours… and I learned that in the hardest way I could've ever imagined…

I felt her pain in the way she looked at me when she saw me and Aerith together. She looked so jealous… but what can I do? I, too, am having a hard time expressing my feelings… so it was too late when I lost the only love of my earthly life without even telling her how much I really loved her… until now.

I isolated myself for two years… away from my friends, away from everyone… I just wanted to forget… but I can't, and I realized how hard it is to do so because of guilt.

I realized how weak of a person I am because I wasn't even able to save Aerith from death just because I was in a damn trance… like I just let it happen on purpose… like I wanted her to die!

How the past haunted me… even up to now where I'm standing with Tifa.

Tifa, Tifa, Tifa…

Shall I blame her too for Aerith's death, just because all the while, I thought I loved her and so I was worried and concerned about what she would think or say if ever I admitted that it's Aerith whom I truly love and not her? Or shall I think she likes the others and blame everything on Sephiroth… or on ShinRa?

So who's to blame, really? Myself, Tifa, Sephiroth or ShinRa?

I've been pointing fingers for two years already and I'm so tired of thinking things through… but still, I haven't figured out who it really is that had caused me to lose my light…

And here is one of those culprits walking with me as I am searching for my light. What if I do find my light but she's still here and takes her away from me?

What if I strangle her right now and kill her right here in this flower field where we are as revenge for what she had caused?

I was beginning to get so tired of walking while weighing several issues and concerns in my mind… but I don't want to give up. I have to find my light! I just have to be with my light again!


	3. Lonely

Love and the Perfection of It in Its Imperfection

By General Quistis

Chapter Three: Lonely

I know he's already tired of walking and his mind seems to be filled with a lot of thoughts… but I don't know what they are exactly. But I could tell from the distant look in his eyes that he's reflecting on something…

"Shall we rest?" I asked him. I was also beginning to get tired of walking anyway.

He stopped walking and stood still for a while with his back facing me. He's looking at a distance but I couldn't tell if he's seeing something that I can't see.

And then he just sat down without saying anything.

I smiled, relieved that he obliged to rest with me; and so I sat down beside him.

I looked at him and realized that we were so close…

That kind of closeness felt so familiar; it's so similar to the time when he met me on the well in Nibelheim… and during the time under the Highwind.

But the loving feeling I had in those moments seemed to be missing at this present moment in the flower field… even as I lay my head on his strong shoulder, and I waited for him to put his arm around me.

He did.

But my heart sank…

I suddenly felt so lonely.


	4. I Forgive You

Love and the Perfection of It in Its Imperfection

By General Quistis

Chapter Four: I Forgive You

I placed an arm around her as I continued to stare into empty space… just to let her feel alright… at least to comfort her from her pain.

Her pain regarding guilt. I know she can feel it too…

"Do you miss her?" I asked her softly.

She did not answer, so I looked at her… and I saw tears in her eyes. She looked up at me and smiled, "Yes," was her reply.

And her tears fell.

It wasn't the first time I saw her cry… and I know how hard it is for her to suppress all those tears… but what she doesn't know is that I envy her. I envy her cheerfulness; the way she could still smile despite all her problems.

The moment she said "Yes,", I realized that I cannot really blame her for what she had done in the past… because I also felt the same way about Zack.

But when Aerith told me that she wanted to meet me; I realized that she wanted to meet the real me… and not the Zack in me… the Zack placed in me by that mad scientist named Hojo.

I scratched her out of the culprit list… and pondered about Sephiroth and ShinRa.

Reflecting further while listening to her soft sobs, I realized that he was just another victim of injustice in the Planet. So I scratched him out of the culprit list too.

ShinRa: a product of greed and lust for power; composed of human beings just like myself and Tifa.

I asked her, "Who's to blame for all of this?"

It took a while before she answered, "I don't know…"

She, too, had been a victim of ShinRa, including Sephiroth… and basically, the whole Planet itself.

It's amazing how simple greed and lust could start something so big that could lead to mass destruction…

And I wondered if I could ever forgive them for what they have done to me and to the rest of humanity, including my friends.

If there was no ShinRa, Vincent couldn't have met Lucrecia, and Lucrecia couldn't have met Hojo.

If there was no ShinRa, there'd be no JENOVA project.

If there was no ShinRa, there'd be no Sephiroth.

If there was no ShinRa, Professor Gast may have not met Ifalna the Cetra…

And I wouldn't be thinking of joining SOLDIER… and I could've been married to Tifa at this very moment of my life… and I wouldn't know Aerith… and wouldn't even care if she existed or not!

And I realized at that moment that everything really happens for a reason, no matter how bad it is. Maybe I should be thankful now that because of ShinRa, I met Aerith… my beloved Aerith.

I smiled at that thought… and remembered that ShinRa is human… just like me, who has had a long list of mistakes; someone who's imperfect.

I remembered Aerith at that moment… she's very loving and forgiving… even if I almost killed her before, she still smiled at me… and she didn't hate me. She still cared about my safety.

Such a forgiving angel…

I thought about forgiveness… and realized, even if it sounds funny, that if we can't forgive people, there'd be no politicians around us!

I told Tifa everything that I had thought of… and she even laughed at the last one about forgiveness and politicians.

And then we just sat still in complete silence, as if falling into a deep state of reflection and realization.

I swallowed hard as I smiled bitterly at her. She was looking at me with a sad smile on her face… but her eyes seemed to give off this calm and peaceful look already as she gazed at me.

"I'm sorry," was all she said.

And I embraced her as a soft gentle breeze blew against us, carrying the scent of flowers… the scent of Aerith… and I told her, "I forgive you."


	5. I Missed You

Love and the Perfection of It in Its Imperfection

By General Quistis

Chapter Five: I Missed You

I closed my eyes, feeling his arms around me… and the same time, feeling her presence around us.

I felt at ease.

"I forgive you." He said.

And I opened my eyes and he wasn't there anymore.

My eyes felt so dry; my throat felt sore; my hands were cold…

It took a long time before I realized that I was alone again.

And I cried and cried, covering my face and bowing down my head as I brought my knees closer to my chest and embraced them near myself, my hair cascading down my whole face as I continued to cry.

The tears, at first, were tears of guilt, and then shame… and then repentance… and then joy. I felt so free all of a sudden and I loved the feeling.

I don't know how long I just sat there and cried, but my eyes really felt sore… though I felt so light-headed and light-hearted. I wiped my tears away and then I reached for my left arm and touched the pink ribbon tied around it as I slowly got up again.

And I felt at ease again.

But where do I go from here?

Without thinking, I just wandered aimlessly around the vast flower field… and I kept on walking and walking but the whole place seemed so endless… and I stopped.

And there she was, standing far away with her back facing me.

I called out her name in excitement and happiness; recalling Cloud's question regarding missing her, and I recalled my truthful answer that really came not only from my heart but also from the depths of my soul. "Aerith!"

She slowly turned around to face me as I ran to her. I wanted to embrace her, the way a best friend would do to her beloved friend… but when we were already standing face-to-face, I just stopped. All of a sudden, I couldn't move; and all I could do was just stand there in hesitation and look at her in utmost adoration and excitement upon seeing her again. She still looked the same… and she looked fine, just like before, but similar to way back when I first saw her, there seemed to be some sadness in her smile and in her green eyes.

"Aerith, hi…" was all I could say as I was also trying to stop myself from weeping in joy.

And she chuckled in joy and gave me a hug… a friendly but loving embrace. "I missed you so much, Tifa, my dearest friend…" she whispered in my ear… and she was crying.

That's when my tears fell again as I returned her embrace. "I missed you too, Aerith…" I told her. For the first time, I let out a true emotion from my locked heart.


	6. The Tree With White Leaves

Love and the Perfection of It in Its Imperfection

By General Quistis

Chapter Six: The Tree with White Leaves

The Promised Land… I think I can meet her there…

How long have I been telling that to myself? But I still haven't found it… and I still haven't met her again.

But love is patient; although I'm already beginning to lose mine…

Sometimes, in the midst of giving up, I would close my eyes and picture myself in the same flower field where I am right now, and she'd be standing there, waiting for me with a sweet smile on her face… and she'd take me in her arms, and I'll tell her how much I love her… and I'll never let her go again.

Such a simple daydream, but hard to reach.

I have forgiven Tifa already, now it's time for me to move on and continue searching for my light… and I kept telling myself that my best friend will be alright without me because I know that she knows, too, that there's someone else meant for her… and that she can also find her own light.

"I forgive you." I told her… when she closed her eyes with that peaceful smile on her face, I realized that I couldn't feel her anymore… that she was only like a spirit sitting beside me and seemingly sleeping as my hand went through her. I watched quietly as she slowly faded away until she had completely disappeared… and the next thing I could remember is that I was lying under a shady area where there is a tall tree with unbelievably white thorny leaves. It was in the same flower field! I got up and looked around, not knowing where exactly I was.

I looked up at the tall tree and gazed up in awe at its thorny white leaves.

And when I looked down again, I turned to my side and saw a figure dressed in white sitting on the ground with a pondering but serious look on his face. Looking closely at him, I realized that the left side of his body had a lot of bloodstains and looked so dirty… like he had been charred… or burned. I can also see his body tissues and his heart beating… he looked horrible! But his right side looked perfectly normal. No exposed inner body parts and fully-clothed, not torn just like his clothes on his left.

And the fact that he looked like that, it had hindered myself from recognizing who he really is… until he looked up at me with a distant look in his blue eyes.

He was Rufus ShinRa.


	7. Locked Heart

Love and the Perfection of It in Its Imperfection

By General Quistis

Chapter Seven: Locked Heart

I had exactly no idea why he was there and looking at me… but I hated the way he was looking at me in disgust. I know I looked horrible… even looking at myself makes me want to cry! But this is how it should be because I am being punished for my sins… being punished for being _perfect_.

Behind the perfect white and clean appearance is a very injured soul… and I've been trying to hide it for many years now; but not all secrets could be kept forever; and eventually, everything had to come out.

That's why I looked like that: horrible… half of my body burned and my inner muscles and tissues exposed… including my heart.

When my office at the 70th floor exploded, I used my left arm to shield my face, turning to my right side as if it's bodily reflex; but I didn't mean to let my whole left side take all the severe burns.

And I hate the fact that my heart is exposed!

I'm being punished for hiding behind lies… and now all the dirt in the supposedly-perfect me is exposed… and this man who can see the dirt is looking at me in disgust, meaning, he doesn't like what he's seeing.

"What are you looking at?" I demanded. And I felt pain upon saying those words because they revealed that I still couldn't accept the fact that I am guilty of a lot of things.

He still looked at me without saying anything. I just frowned at him and asked, "Well what are you doing here?"

To my surprise, he answered me, "I'm looking for my light. What about you? What are you doing under this tree?"

It took a while before I realized that I haven't thought of the reason why I'm under that particular tree until he asked me.

Well, the tree is shady… and cool… and I'm hiding under its shadows so that nobody would really see how I look like…

But since this guy can see me, I guess there's no use hiding anymore… and he's wondering, I could tell, why the hell is my heart exposed and he could see it beating and pumping blood.

I wanted to change the subject, so I just asked him, "Well, did you find your light yet?"

He looked away and shook his head. "I don't even know where I am…" and turned to me, "Do you?" he asked.

I didn't answer. I don't know.

He looked away again and gazed into the horizon. "She told me that I could meet her in the Promised Land." He told me.

I was surprised by what he said but I did not say anything more.


	8. Perfection

Love and the Perfection of It in Its Imperfection

By General Quistis

Chapter Eight: Perfection

I can't believe I just spoke to Rufus about finding my light!

…Even though I thought it's useless because knowing him, he's too selfish to even listen.

But for some reason, I pity him and I wondered what it's like to be him. It must be hard to be the epitome of _Perfection_, while in truth, perfection, in itself, is a big lie… because there is no such thing as _Perfect_.

But I guess people can pretend, right? And I think he's just one of the victims of pretension.

I wanted to leave him there, but he looked so pitiful… like he needed help; so I asked him, "Can you stand up?"

He didn't answer. What a stubborn individual. He's such a person so full of foolish human pride.

I offered a hand to him but he refused to take it.

"I'm going." I told him before I turned and walked away.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

I didn't answer; it's just too hard to talk to this stubborn person. Call it _revenge_, maybe, on my part because when I asked him questions, he refused to answer… so I'm just doing the same.

"Cloud!"

He called my name.

I froze in my tracks and slowly turned to look at him again. He was trying to stand up but he couldn't… and the never-before exposed vulnerability in his blue eyes revealed that he's in too much pain. I went over to him and helped him up, but he fell backwards, back on the ground and sitting down again.

He couldn't stand up.

I watched him as he pounded an angry fist on the ground in frustration.

We were quiet for a few moments until I decided to just keep him company for a while. Maybe he needed it too.

"What's your light like?" he asked me after a few more seconds of silence while I was seated away from him. He wasn't even looking at me when he asked that… like he's afraid that a simple question such as that could easily reveal the person deep inside who's asking it.

Like what I've mentioned earlier, he is like the epitome of _Perfection_… and to become like that, he seems to be a well-calculated person… like he thinks a lot first before he acts or says something, even if it's just a simple questions like "have you eaten already?"

And since he looks so vulnerable at that moment, I could easily tell that he's still almost like his old self.

I just smiled calmly at him, "Wonderful." Was my answer to his question. I looked away from him and asked, "What about you, do you have anything that you're looking for?"

He looked at me again and said, "What does your light do?"

Obviously, he didn't want to answer my question…

I let him have his chance.

All I had to do was to think of Aerith to answer that question of his: "My light guides me in seeing through the dark. She gives me hope, the strength and the will to keep on living."

"She?" he asked. I noticed a smile being formed by his lips on his face… and it triggered me to ask the question, "What about you, do you have your light?"


	9. Tifa

Love and the Perfection of It in Its Imperfection

By General Quistis

Chapter Nine: Tifa

It was clear to me that he's searching for his beloved Aerith.

Aerith and I have met in this place. She told me about Cloud, and she seemed so in-love with him; that whenever she would mention his name, she'd appear so dreamy and starry-eyed. I'd appear sickened by it… but deep inside, I envied her.

Love… such a complicated word. To define it is to give its limitations, and love as none. So it's really wrong to define such a word… or is it a feeling?

No one really knows.

"What about you, do you have your light?"

When Cloud asked me that question, all I could do was stare at him… because only one person entered my mind…

The girl whom I cannot even reach.

Not that she's so high… I'm the one who's actually too high… and I'm so high that it sickens me, feeling so nauseous like a person who's afraid of heights standing on top of the highest peak and looking down.

And because I'm so high, I have no idea how to get down anymore. How did I even reach that high point anyway?

I have three culprits listed in my thoughts: My Old Man, the ShinRa Executives, and then the World where I was born in. They raised me up in a pedestal which kept on increasing in height until I couldn't see what's down on the ground anymore. The question is, how come I let them do that to me and I didn't even do a single thing to stop them?

Until I realized it was too late.

I never realized how up high I was already until she came along…

The first time I saw her was in Nibelheim, when I was only around eight years old; when I went there with Old Man and my mother because he wanted to visit the Nibelheim Reactor while me and my mother toured around her hometown.

I saw her playing with the other children and then noticed that she and those other children had left out one boy about my age.

I wanted to play with them… and maybe invite the boy to play with us too, but Old Man arrived and told us to go back to the hotel and just stay there. I told him of my desire to play with the other children, but he refused to give in to what I want. He said that I cannot play with them because they are dirty and they are poor.

And I obliged to what he wanted me to do and to think of, because I wanted to please him; even though I knew how wrong he was.

But you can never really please everyone.

And I was simply too weak to realize that because after all, I am the epitome of _perfection_…

Right?

And I left Nibelheim and didn't see her again for so many years…

You could just imagine my utmost worry when I found out that Nibelheim was burned…

I thought I had lost her. I felt sad…

And I never even knew her name even at that point in time.

And imagine my joy when I saw her again more years later… on the highest point in Midgar: the balcony of the 70th floor of the ShinRa HQ. But the more I realized our gap from each other because I was already the President… and she's one of the AVALANCHE members—a threat to ShinRa's existence.

Those emotions I have mentioned—worry, sadness and joy—those were the emotions that I would feel whenever I am thinking of her… but they were never expressed by my cold and aloof exterior because I wanted to be different from everybody else. I refused to be human and to show emotions… because I wanted to be _PERFECT_… and humans aren't.

Even up to that moment on the 70th floor, I never knew her name, so I gave it a shot: "Just who are you?"  
I asked them, so that they would inform me of their names, and hers too in the process.

But to my dismay, she wasn't the first one who answered. And she didn't say her name. When her co-member said, "I'm from AVALANCHE", she just followed up, "Same here!"

That was her answer: "Same here!"

I didn't want to fight them… but by the looks of it, I had to… because I wanted to remain Perfect in the eyes of ShinRa; to show that I am against the rebels.

I let them hear my inauguration speech, and as I began, I approached her. She looked at me in disgust… and it felt so painful. I discreetly reached for some keys from my pocket and handed it to her without saying anything about it. She just stared at me and I was glaring at her as if warning her not to say anything else but to take the keys.

And she went away… and the only person left there with me was the man who was also left out during his childhood; the one sitting with me underneath this tall tree with white thorny leaves.

It was Cloud Strife.

But things are different at that moment, even if I remembered wanting to play with him in childhood… wanting to become his friend, so that I could be his best friend and companion whenever the others would leave him behind…

"I guess we won't become friends." I told him.

While engaged in a battle with Cloud, I was hoping that she would escape with her other friends because I really had no wish of harming her and her friends… even Cloud.

Not being able to take it anymore, I just decided to escape…

I watched from the chopper as they escaped… and so that I wouldn't be obvious (and also since I wanted to be Perfect in ShinRa's eyes), I ordered for some SOLDIERs to go after them.

The next time I saw her again was when ShinRa had planned to capture them…

I lured them into a trap, "I want you all to come with me, there's still much more I want to know."

She had a little accident in the airship on our way to Junon and was unconscious for seven days.

I was so worried about her and I got carried away because I wanted the doctors to check on her condition and make sure she's alright. As an excuse, I told my executives that I want her to be alright for her impending execution with the others so that she could get to experience severe punishment. But I guess one of them noticed something unusual about me… and it was Scarlet. She began to hate her.

And all AVALANCHE names and files were kept from me by Scarlet and the others for quite some time.

Maybe because she's jealous.

I pretended not to care, even when I already informed AVALANCHE of their execution.

How she looked at me in disdain!!!

But I didn't want her to die… so as I got out, I ordered one of the SOLDIERs in charge for the gas chamber to drop a key near her, which she may use it as a means to escape. I warned the SOLDIER not to tell anybody else, otherwise, I'd have him killed.

I watched from a hidden camera inside the gas chamber as she struggled to break free from her death chair… and when she was able to do so, there was Scarlet.

In those moments, there was already an attack caused by one of those damn Weapons, but I just told Heidegger to take charge for a while.

Scarlet had this bitch-slapping contest with her… and while watching them, I was quite amused… but at the same time, quite mortified because seeing her getting hurt by Scarlet or any other person really makes me angry…

But I couldn't do anything back there…

As I told Cloud these things, he laughed at me.

"What's so funny?" I demanded from him.

He stopped laughing and just shook his head in denial. "Nothing," was his reply.

What I didn't tell him was what I really felt before I died: Loneliness.

And that night, I prayed that if ever there is a God, may He protect her always…

I also didn't tell him that I regretted never to have told her the truth about how I felt about her… and I didn't even know her name.

I watched quietly as Cloud got up to leave when a cool breeze began to blow. It hurt my exposed wounded flesh but I didn't mind it too much. I should be used to it by then.

"I'm sorry. I have to go." He told me as he turned to walk away. I didn't say anything more, thinking that I should have just shut up and told him nothing about "my light". Besides, he never elaborated on his own light anyway…

And then he stopped in his tracks. He turned around again to look at me with a friendly smile on his face.

"FYI, her name is Tifa. And she has a locked heart just like yours. I think she has your key, and you have hers. Please take care of her for me." Were his last words to me before he turned and walked away from me.

And I finally realized how human I was.


	10. Where the Promised Land Is

Love and the Perfection of It in Its Imperfection

By General Quistis

Chapter Ten: Where the Promised Land Is

As I walked away from Rufus, I realized two thing: that he is also human just like me and when he narrated those things to me, he also realized the same thing… and that we could've become great friends.

Funny how there are a lot of good opportunities we miss just because of pride and greed.

As I continued to walk, I wondered where I was going and if I could see Tifa again to let her know about the man with the locked heart under the big tree with white thorny leaves.

When I turned around to look at the tree again, it wasn't there anymore… or maybe I wandered off aimlessly and didn't even notice it.

A part of me wanted to just proceed and forget about Tifa and Rufus, but I wanted to go back and take him with me. It seemed such a foolish thought considering the fact that he couldn't even stand up; so does that mean I have to carry him?

But he needed my help… and I kept on thinking about Aerith. And Aerith is all about compassion for others.

Immediately, I rushed back to where Rufus was, just straight ahead. When I got back to the tree, he was looking at me as if asking why I came back.

I offered a hand to him to help him stand up, but he refused to. "I'll wait here… just like what I've always done before. You go on ahead without me." He told me.

I felt somewhat bad about leaving him there… but I know I had to, so I just turned around to leave.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

I stopped and replied, "The Promised Land."

"Why?" he asked.

"…maybe I can meet her there." I replied simply with a smile on my face before I proceeded and left him there. But he had another questions, "Do you know where it is?"

I froze. I don't know. I turned around to look at him again and ask him if he knows where it is, but he wasn't there anymore… and it was the same with the tree. They were gone.


	11. What is Essential is Invisible to the Ey...

Love and the Perfection of It in Its Imperfection

By General Quistis

Chapter Eleven: What is Essential is Invisible to the Eye

I was a blind person and it was caused by my selfishness. I wanted Cloud all to myself, not considering the true feelings of my soul, his soul, and the feelings of others.

I never really loved him.

Loneliness made me selfish… selfishness made me blind. And when I saw Aerith again and had talked to Cloud in this flower field, it was only then when I truly realized everything.

I'm so happy to see her again, and I guess she's the same about me, but there was this undeniable sadness in her eyes. She told me a lot of stories about the Promised Land. I asked her where it was, but she just smiled at me and never really answered the question in a direct way; instead, it was vague: "It's where love meets the heavens."

I couldn't understand what that really meant, and being with her again is like a moment to be cherished, so I just dismissed all deep thoughts and focus on the here and now. We were walking as we conversed, catching up with each other's lives.

And then there was a point wherein we do not have anything else to say but our emotions.

"How's Cloud?" she asked me. She was looking down at the flowers with a sad smile on her face.

"He's alright. He's looking for you… although I don't know where he is right now." I told her before looking up. "I'd love to take you to him if only I know where he is." I continued.

"Well, if it's alright with you…" she began.

And then I just frowned at her, "How dare you…" I began.

She blinked in awe. I laughed, meaning it as a joke. "How dare you die and leave him to me. You know I can't take care of him the way you could!" I told her playfully. She laughed with me.

We stopped walking and she turned to face me as she took my hand and gently squeezed it. "Thank you for taking care of him. How do you feel right now?" she asked me.

I couldn't answer.

The truth was, I felt so empty… and alone. Like my heart was blank.

To my wonder, she just embraced me again. "I know you disliked me before. I'm sorry if I had caused you pain." She said softly.

I felt tears welling up in my eyes again when I heard her say those words to me. They seemed to cut me so deep like a knife. "It's alright. I understand that you love him… and that he loves you so much. I can't provide to him what you can provide for him so I'm leaving him to you. Please take care of my best friend, my dearest friend." I told her.

She leaned her head on my shoulder and she said, "Tifa, sometimes, what is essential is invisible to the eye." She looked into my eyes. "Somebody loves you dearly, but you don't know it because you were too busy looking for something you know you can never have. I'm not blaming you, Tifa. You're only human, and nobody's perfect. Me? I may be half-Cetra but I am also half-human, so I understand your pain and suffering caused by imperfection of human nature. But you have nothing to fear because he's just there waiting for you."

The tears fell from my eyes.

"Like you, he is also human… a sinner that should be forgiven."

I never really fully understood the concept of forgiveness until she told me these words: "Since we're not perfect, we make mistakes, that's why we're given the capacity to forgive. If we are not able to do so, we're just wasting our time becoming human and so we're better off dead."

I remember what Cloud had mentioned about forgiveness and politicians. It sounded like a joke, but it made so much sense.

"But he needs your help, Tifa. Since you are more capable of loving freely. Teach him to do so too… and give him happiness."

I looked at her. "Do I know him?"

She just smiled at me before she moved away. She did not say anything more but she walked away from me. I was surprised. "Aerith!" I called out her name and tried to go after her, but I couldn't move; like my feet were glued to the ground!

I just watched helplessly as she completely faded away into the distance. More tears fell from my eyes when I felt that I won't be seeing her again.

She did not even say goodbye.

I fell on my knees, letting go of her. I was crying and sobbing helplessly while saying, "I'm sorry, Cloud… I'm so sorry…"


	12. We Meet Again

Love and the Perfection of It in Its Imperfection

By General Quistis

Chapter Twelve: We Meet Again

I continued to wander aimlessly around the flower field. The tears had dried up from my eyes, and I felt so tired. I wondered to myself if this place had an end, even though it seemed so infinite even if I try to run forward. It was driving me crazy!

The flowers, the wind, the heavens and the grass… they're all haunting me!

It's like there isn't even a nighttime in that place… not even a sunrise or a sunset. There are neither clouds nor skies, just pure white up above…

I fell on my knees; my head bowed down and my gaze was on the ground. Is this the Promised Land? If it is, how come it's like this?

I felt like a lost soul wandering without an end-goal.

I felt the breeze blow against me and I realized that it's blowing towards the north… so I looked towards that direction and there was this tall tree with thorny white leaves… and someone was sitting underneath its cool shade.

I wondered who it was, so I got up to take a closer look… and what I saw made me want to scream, but I stopped myself.

It was a human being whose left side of his body had been burned… it's like seeing third degree burns and just the mere sight of his inner muscles and tissues exposed made me cry in pity. His right part of the body was perfectly well… but his white clothes looked dirty.

He had blue eyes; almost similar to Cloud's, but this man's blue eyes had this disturbing look in them.

It struck me when he smiled sadly at me. I mindlessly reached out a hand to him that I may help him up. And he took it, holding me clean hand with his dirty one. It scared me, especially when he used his left hand to hold my hand too so that he could support himself and pull himself up to me; but he was heavy and I can easily lose my balance if I'm not carefully, so I used my other hand to pull him up too, touching his burned one…

And my eyes widened. My world began to spin and I felt so dizzy.

And a vision entered my thoughts.

It was the 70th floor of the ShinRa HQ… and there was Rufus ShinRa standing by the President's desk. He had his back to me, but I knew that he was looking at the window. He could see what was happening outside from where he is… and something was coming at him.

"No! Rufus!" I screamed, knowing it could kill him. It was Diamond Weapon.

But I froze when I heard him murmur something even if his facial expression remained aloof as usual… "I love her… God, please protect her from harm. I'm sorry."

I turned to one of the computer monitor beside him when I realized that there was something flashing. A dialogue box was flashing and it had the message, "One Search Result Found." And the dialogue box disappeared, revealing something…

My file in ShinRa.

But he wasn't looking at it… instead, he anticipated the explosion…

I came back to my senses and had managed to pull him up, but in the process, pulled him away from the shade of the tall tree with white thorny leaves.

I looked up at his face when I realized that I had been looking at the ground for a long time already… and I saw him.

His face was perfect.

I realized that the left side of his body looked fine already.

He didn't appear burned anymore, and his white clothes weren't tainted anymore too.

I looked up into his blue eyes. He was looking down at me with his usual poker-faced expression, but something had changed in his eyes…

The next thing I could remember doing was to fall into his arms and embrace him as tightly as I could…

I felt him return the embrace and I thought I heard him choke a sob. I smiled.

And then I closed my eyes.


	13. Not Alone Anymore

Love and the Perfection of It in Its Imperfection

By General Quistis

Chapter Thirteen: Not Alone Anymore

I was still walking even though I already felt so tired.

I was just waiting for my legs to finally give up on me that's why I still went on… and as I continued to walk, I thought of the moment when I would finally meet her again.

That was just a part of another dream.

And it was like a déjà vu when I stopped walking upon seeing her standing far from me. She had her back to me and she was holding a flower basket, just like the first time I saw her. "Aerith!" I called out her name as loud as I could… like my soul had forced it out of my lips because it had been suppressing itself from screaming her name out loud.

And she turned around.

I ran to her—to finally meet her! She just stood still with a smile on her face, looking at me in adoration. I was wondering why she wasn't moving. Wasn't she excited to see me again? But I didn't care, I just kept on running towards her, but when I realized that she still hasn't moved from her same spot, I slowed down, doubting her. Her smile faded away and she looked at me the same way.

Screw the dream when we ran into each other's arms and embraced and kissed… because we didn't. Instead, we just stood face-to-face just looking at each other in curiosity, like we do not know each other.

I wanted to cry! But still, I smiled gently at her. "Hey, Aerith." I greeted.

She just smiled sweetly at me. "But a flower for a Gil?"

I looked at her in confusion. How come it seems that she doesn't know who I am?

I just nodded my head as I mindlessly reached inside my pocket to search for some money as I observed picking out one of the best flowers in her basket. She just held on to, waiting for me to give her one Gil.

But there was nothing in my pocket but the pink ribbon that she once wore on her head. I bowed down my head and pulled it out, staring at it in dismay. I looked at her again, and to my surprise, her hair wasn't tied anymore. But she was still holding the flower with her right and the basket with her left. I felt sad, knowing that I can't pay for her flower… and I felt so afraid, thinking that she'll just walk away and leave me because I don't have any money.

But she stayed.

She smiled lovingly at me and put down the flower basket by her side. She took my hand in hers and placed the flower in my own grasp.

And then she embraced me as tightly and as lovingly as she could.

I felt so happy… her love was so unconditional… and I realized how much I really loved her… until now. And she felt the same way about me.

I don't believe in soulmates, but I believe in Aerith…

In the dream, I was with her. It was a big flower field… almost like the one from the Church in Sector 6 that she had once taken care of.

In the dream, she was mine.

In the dream, we're together.

In the dream, I was in the Promised Land with her.

In the dream, it was reality.

In the dream, she is my soulmate.

In the dream, I wasn't alone anymore…


	14. Epilogue

Love and the Perfection of It in Its Imperfection

By General Quistis

Chapter Fourteen: Epilogue

In the dream, Cloud was happy. In the dream, Aerith is happy. And I'm happy that they're finally together again.

I opened my eyes when I felt someone shaking me gently. "Tifa?"

It was Yuffie.. "Are you alright?" she asked in worry.

I slowly sat up, touching my head when I felt pain pierce through my brain. "Ow…" I reacted before turning to my hand. I felt confused when I saw blood.

And everything came back to my memory. We were in a battle… and I guess I almost died.

"It's over, Tifa." Vincent told me with a calm look on his face.

I just nodded slightly, looking down at the ground, trying to recall further what had happened… and I remembered about Cloud. "Cloud!?" I exclaimed. I turned to him, "Where is he?" he demanded in worry.

"We don't know," Vincent replied.

"Barret is looking for him," Yuffie replied.

They helped me get up and I was looking around…

We were in the Sector 6 Church.

And we heard Barret call us, "Foo's! Over here!"

Vincent helped me walk over to where Barret was because I twisted my ankle. When we got to where Barret was, we were shocked to see Cloud lying on the ground. Flowers were scattered around him… and he's holding a pink ribbon very similar to what Aerith used to have to tie her hair.

Cid and Red XIII arrived with Rude and Reno. "What happened? Is everybody alright?" Reno asked as they ran towards us… and they froze in their tracks upon seeing Cloud.

I remembered seeing Yuffie cry that day, and hearing Red XIII whimper and saw his tail droop sadly between his hind legs. Cid fell silent, so did Barret who was shaking his head in dismay while tears fell from his eyes. Reno gazed at Cloud in pity while Rude just clenched his fists in silence.

Vincent turned away.

Then there was Marlene who rushed in and went to me, "Tifa, Tifa!" she was yelling.

"Shit…" I heard Barret mutter as he struggled to cover Cloud away from Marlene's eyes. But still, she saw him. "Papa? What happened to Cloud?" she asked with a worried tone.

Barret couldn't answer.

Marlene looked up at me before walking over to Cloud. I couldn't stop her… no one else could. She knelt down beside him and touched his face. "He's cold…" she said innocently.

My tears fell.

She scanned the looks on our faces. "Why is everyone so sad?" she turned to her father, "Papa?" she asked as she got up and went over to her father's side.

Barret just bowed down his head.

I went to Marlene and embraced her as tightly as I could… and she began to cry. "Tifa, why is Cloud so cold? Why isn't he moving? Why isn't he breathing?" she wailed helplessly.

I smiled bitterly at her. "Cloud went away." I said simply. I could sense that everyone was looking at me in surprise.

"But where did he go?" she asked.

"The Promised Land. He has to meet Aerith there…" I told her as I rubbed her back gently to ease her from crying.

To my surprise, she smiled. "R…really? Did he meet her already?" she asked.

I turned my gaze to Cloud, then to the pink ribbon. "Yes. They're finally together…" I said softly. Marlene let go of me as she wiped her own tears away and went to Cloud, picking up one of the flowers and placed it in his hand. "Can you give this to Aerith, Cloud? Tell her we all miss her. … and we'll miss you too!" she said rather happily.

Barret got up and went to his daughter and picked her up in his arms. "Alright, Marlene, that's enough. Let's go home." He said with a trembling tone before looking at me strangely.

With that, I turned and walked away.

But Marlene jumped down from her father's shoulder and rushed to me again, "Tifa! Tifa!" she called out. I stopped walking and wiped my tears away, looking down at her in curiosity. "Yes, Marlene, what is it?" I asked her gently. She embraced me and she was giggling as she gazed up at me with happiness in her eyes. "Come with me!" she said.

"Where?" I asked.

"Sector 1! In ShinRa!" she told me.

I blinked in wonder. "Wh…what?" I asked. Rude and Reno had the same reaction and they looked perplexed as well.

Marlene took my hand and dragged me with her. "Come see! Come see! I was playing in Sector 1 with Denzel and we saw something move there! It's white and it's dirty but it was looking for you!"

My mouth went dry and tears welled up in my eyes again, but this time, they were tears of joy. I took one last look at Cloud I just smiled at him and thought, "Thank you."

With that, Marlene and I ran all the way going to Sector 1.

**_The End_**

****

Author's Note: Urrgh… so… what do you think? ==' goes back to sulking


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